Recently I have been thinking about going home a lot. I only have about 2 months left here in Japan and that means that the school I am attending has been making sure we know all the procedures for moving out and making our transition back to our homes as smooth as possible. When I think about going back to the US a lot of emotions run through me. The first thing that I always feel is fear. Fear that I have not seen enough or learned enough while I have been here. I have experienced so much while living in Japan these past months, but sometimes it still feels like I just walked off the plane and am fumbling my way through trying to order a sandwich and count out the right amount of money for the cashier.
Once I get past the immediate fear, I feel denial. Denial that I will have to go back to where I came from. In these few months my small room in Tsunashima has become my home. After a long day in class or travelling around, my small neighborhood and dorm is a welcome sight. Even if my room is incredibly tiny, I will definitely miss it when I leave. It is hard to believe that in just a few short months I will leave and maybe never see some of the people in the dorm and at school again. The biggest denial is that I won't live by Elena and Siobhan anymore. During my time in Japan I have mentioned these 2 a lot in my blogs. They quickly became my best friends in Japan. We talk about everything together and they always listen to me when I need to talk to someone. They were my lifesavers on more than one occasion and I know that we will be friends forever. One of the hardest things about leaving Japan will be not seeing these girls on a daily basis. Siobhan will be back in the UK and Elena will be in Pennsylvania. Even if I can't see them very often, I know that we will stay connected and visit each other as often as we can.
The final emotion that goes through me is utter excitement. After thinking about all the things I will be losing, I remember all the things that I will be returning to. I will be back with my family, and a few weeks after that I will be with my friends who I have not seen for about 1 year now. I will be back at my home university, living with one of my best friends in the whole world, Amy. I lived with her last year and I absolutely cannot wait to do it again! Additionally, I am excited for the food. Don't get me wrong, I love Japanese food. However, for about a year and a half before coming to Japan I was a pescetarian off and on (I ate fish and animal products, just not meat). When I came to Japan I gave this up in order to be able to try new foods and not limit my experience. However, after eating meat this whole year, I realize how much I enjoyed the pescetarian diet. Living in the US and being able to cook my own meals is going to be such an exciting part of my life. Finally, I can't wait for my life to continue. Being in Japan I have found it extremely difficult to plan my future life. I do not have the most freedom to research my options or talk to people about what I am thinking about doing after graduation, since I have to do everything over email. It will be fantastic to be able to have face-to-face meetings and really figure out what I am going to do when I graduate next spring. Overall, after the immediate fear and sadness of leaving I realize how much I am gaining. Going back home I will have amazing friends and memories to take with me, but I will also be able to return to a more normal state of life.
Wow, this turned into a very long post! Thank you if you kept reading through the whole thing!
P.S. the tea of the day is strawberry champagne ^_^